if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
