I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
