ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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