Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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