Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
