Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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