TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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