and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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