my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
