I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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