well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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