i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
