Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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