hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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