he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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