I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
