I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pooping to opera.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
