god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Panties = found
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
