No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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