Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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