i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
