Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
