I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My life is pants optional.
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