Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
