Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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