I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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