Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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