I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Congratulations! We have a period
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
