You work out of a Hotel?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
