Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
