2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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