I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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