Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
