Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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