if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
