If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
