I'm really into asian looking animals
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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