i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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