No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize