I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
