I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
