God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
