You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
