so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often