they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.