just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.