Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...