I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am midnight drunk by noon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here