so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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