Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
