literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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