i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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