I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
NoShamevember. You game?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
