He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
