haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
