my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
