well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
