sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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