How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last night I used snow as a chaser
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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