I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
