she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
