Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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