mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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