I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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