You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think my fart just growled at me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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