Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
