So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
