I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
