I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
